Oh Jiggle Bells, Jiggle Bells...Where are the Tums?

Dashing through my clothes, 
Tomorrow's the day I weigh. 
I really don't want to go, 
But I scheduled it that way. 
Take off all my Bling. 
Make Sure What I Wear Is Light. 
What fun it is to laugh and sing. 
Don't eat anything tonight ! 

Oh, jiggle bells, jiggle bells, 
Jiggle all the way. 
Oh, why did I eat that pie, 
And sneak that Milky Way. 
Jiggle bells, jiggle bells, 
Jiggle all the way. 
I should have checked the portion size. 
I'm regretting it today. 

With lyrical talents such as this, I could totally be Taylor Swfit (I mean being scorned by a candy bar is just as emotionally complex as being dissed by Jake Gyllenhaal right?)

I went to a holiday party on Friday night and let me tell you, it was on a food mission!

Mini pies!

Mini éclairs!

Mini sliders!

Mini doughnuts!

Mini French fries!

If they are tiny, they aren’t bad for you right? Itty bitty food is just cute and adorable, not caloric and fatty!

That was just in the foyer. Entering the ballroom (fancy-shmancy party) I was assaulted by every fruity, girly, pink cocktail known to womandom (I think they served every drink featured in Sex and the City) AND THEN (There’s more? Oh, yes kiddies, there’s more) quesadillas, chocolate bar, ice cream bar, cinnamon bun bar (I found what I’m having at my wedding) and about a gazillion tidbits of waistline ruin traveling throughout the rooms.

Holidays are great but they can also do a number on your body. Parties start to become more frequent and the foods that show up there become ridiculously decadent (but totally justified because they are seasonal).

Time to prepare for battle. Ready the troops. Prepare the horses. Release the Kraken!

Too much?

We all know the standard party tips. Eat before you go, limit alcohol, keep working out, etc. Everyone has heard them and they are great but I belong to a special forces division of party-goers. We are a highly skilled unit who require just a wee bit more…technical training.

The Black Ops party strategy:

•         One word: Spanx. Sarah Blakely really deserves a Nobel Prize for Spanx. They keep everything tucked, tight and up. Sarah is actually my fave party buddy. Even if I’m wearing a looser dress, if I know that there will be tempting party food or the potential to over indulge (Hey there, holiday buffet) I slip on my Spanx because they are like a modern-day corset. All the spandex usually keeps me from wanting to nosh on any party “favors” all night.
• 
  
•         Read before you go. Now I don’t mean go read Atlas Shrugged before your next tacky Christmas sweater party (not that post-apocalyptic worlds aren’t fun and festive). I don’t like to read about Hollywood gossip but before a party I usually check out Perez Hilton, ESPN (for the gentlemen), Huffington Post and The New York Times. The more I have to talk about, the less awkward I feel (awkward=uncomfortable munching), even if it’s silly things like Lindsay Lohan, the latest food-tastrophe or Duck Dynasty.
• 
  
•          Now I love dark nails (they make me feel too cool for school) but for a party I always make a point to paint my nails a bright, flashy and potentially glittery color. Friday night featured Leading Lady by Essie (think fire engine). They catch my eyes as I’m reaching for food and I swear it makes me think twice about what I’m getting ready to throw back because it’s no longer mindless. I’ve engaged my brain (poor dear doesn’t get enough exercise as it is :)
• 
  
•       Accessorize! New Years eve parties are all about the bling, my dress last year was made entirely of sequins. (Fyi, sequins don't bend so you pretty much forfeit your right to sit down. I'm now a master at perching) Use this as an excuse to throw an armful of bangles or bracelets on. Start with a certain amount on your right wrist and then every time you have a drink, move a bangle to your left. It's just a visual reminder of how much you've had to drink and helps to slow down the alcohol intake a little bit. I love to enjoy my parties but at this point in my life, I want to actually remember them! 
• 
  
•          Finally, perfect your picture pose! It will make you feel awesome over the next couple of days. Because let’s face it, the awesome “you look so skinny…gorgeous…fabulous…amazing” feedback on Facebook is a HUGE motivator for our generation. I literally stalked my first set of “new” pictures. I felt like a celebrity baby making its debut in People. After months of secrecy, finally, Sassy makes her debut.

Umm, I’m a celeb, obviously need a better name. Sassy totally suits me.

Oh, Jiggle Bells, Jiggle Bells, 
Jiggle All The Way. 
I Can't Stand My Thunder Thighs, 
I'm Back On Track Today ! 
Jiggle Bells, Jiggle Bells, 
Jiggle All The Way. 
Holiday Treats Are My Demise, 
Oh Give Me Strength … I Pray !