The Biggest Lie Ever Told

“Look at her, she is a hog.” 

Those words still pop into my mind at least once a week. Some boy at my summer camp so cleverly hurled that insult at me when I was 12 years old and we were out at the lake for the day. We were all sitting in the boat and someone said I was hogging a seat and that boy felt the need to drive home the fact that I wasn’t like my teeny, bikini-clad bunk mates. I didn’t really understand at that time that he was making fun of me for being overweight. I wish I could say that that was the last time that I was teased and bullied for not being a size 2, but that would be lying.

As I watched a “Too Fat for Fifteen: Fighting Back” re-run last night, I listened to the kids tell their stories of being bullied for their size. One girl said, “We are the only species that enjoys torturing one another.” That really struck me.

 Is that true?

Are we the only ones on the planet that bully members of our species solely because they aren’t the same size? Regardless, you have to admit that we do it very well.

Bullying is such a huge issue for young kids but it is also a problem for adults. I’m in my twenties and I can’t tell you how many hurtful comments I had to endure during freshman year in college.

 “Where’s the farmer…Who knew the circus was in town?…I thought they freed Willy…I don’t date outside of my species…”

Those were just some of the comments that the University’s brilliant male population came up with. But the bullying had begun long before I ventured to college. Going to an all-girls prep school (really a Barbie factory masquerading as a school) was hard. The girls were tan, thin, bouncy, athletic and just gorgeous.

Of course we all went through our awkward phases, (remember Pacsun?) but everyone, for the most part, started out cute then progressed to pretty and finally ended up at gorgeous.

 And then there was me.

The pretty bone structure…Really?

I felt guilty for eating, just imagining the things my classmates were saying about me. The boys (from our brother school) were relentless with the under-the-breath insults and backhanded compliments. And 

I wish I could say that at least I was the smart one and the people who hurled insults at me were brainless brutes. But this isn’t She’s All That (ahh Freddie Prinze Jr.!) and my classmates were all incredibly bright.

So the insults were witty and thoughtful. (I like to have to think about whether or not I’m actually being made fun of. Keeps me on my toes) I tried to pretend it didn’t hurt, laughing it off or acting like I didn’t care. But I was dying on the inside; every insult and jab pushed me further and further into my shell. I made it my mission to blend into the wall, praying that no one would see me, desperately trying not to draw any attention to myself.

I stopped going to dances, parties, and school events just because I was scared of being teased or made fun of. I missed my senior prom, every graduation party, my Europe trip and pretty much everything else that came up in school. I essentially didn’t have a life. Kids were cruel, not only through the things they said but through the  things they didn’t say or didn’t do. To be the invisible girl, the girl that no one even remembered was almost worse than the insults, because I felt isolated and alone and that is the worst feeling in the world.

It’s funny to think that people can make someone feel so terrible about themselves just because they don’t look the same. Yes I was overweight but did that hurt them? No. There is no excuse for bullying, flat out. But unfortunately it continues to be such a problem.

 Sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you.

Biggest lie ever!

 Words hurt so much-they are devastating and- people sometimes forget the power of words.

As I lost the weight, the bullying slowly stopped. But it doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten about it; that is something that stays with you. But I work really hard in order to move beyond it. As they say, the best revenge is success!

I strive now to be fit not necessarily skinny (that's a happy by-product but not my main goal anymore) and to focus on things like negative splits in my runs, decreasing my mile time or striving for a PR in a race. Size should not be a reason to torture anyone nor should it define who we are. Fit and healthy are not synonymous with skinny.